Now we have all heard the phrase nice guys finish last, and as sad as it may be I have come to fully understand and accept this notion. I can think of countless times where my friends and I have discussed a guy and the first and pretty much only thing we say about him is "Oh he's so nice," Now this is never in the context of damn he looks good, or I wonder if he's dating someone. This is always in the context of we are not attracted to him, don't care who he's dating or if he's dating. Recently I have begun to ask myself what exactly is it that is wrong with nice guys?
I'm happy to report that I have figured out the answer...at least the answer as it pertains to me. Overall, I'm a pretty quiet person, but when I talk I have a lot to say and I feel pretty strongly about whatever topic it is that the conversation reaches. With that said generally, nice guys bore the hell out of me. Why you ask? It is absolutely positively because they don't stand up to me. Even in regular trivial conversations they either agree with everything I'm saying because they think that's what I want to hear, or they don't disagree with enough passion to make me think they really have an opinion. The bottom line is that they are BORING. I don't feel like they can handle my sarcasm, and I'd rather not feel like the evil villain in a friendship or a relationship.
I'm not saying that I want someone mean that's gonna choke me out, or someone who isn't nice. I just don't want that Nice Guy. I want someone who isn't afraid to challenge me, someone who isn't afraid to disagree or argue with me. Someone who can argue passionately but fairly, understanding that each disagreement isn't a monumental failure of either person. Most of all someone who isn't totally afraid to hurt my feelings. I think the Nice Guy is just as likely to hurt my feelings as the Real Guy, but the difference is that the Nice Guy will hurt my feelings because he's too afraid to hurt my feelings (sheer avoidance), whereas the Real Guy is gonna hurt my feelings by being himself and just effing up. This Real Guy won't be so concerned with living up to a nice guy image that he cant be real, this guy will know that while I don't get hurt easily, I do get hurt. With the Real Guy small problems will stay small, while with the Nice Guy small problems will be the cracks in the foundation because we cannot be real with each other. I don't believe the Nice Guy can have a true perception of who I am.
I have had the privilege of dealing with both types of guys. I've had the difficult task of walking away from both types of guys. Honestly, I never miss the nice guys. They never told me to shut up or called me crazy. They never gave me credit for my humor or told me what they weren't going to do. They never took charge. Instead I miss the real guys, who werent afraid to be themselves straight from the jump. They had made mistakes before and didn't pretend to be perfect, but showed that they were willing to try. The Real Guy brings balance to my life that helps me be real with myself. The Nice Guy wants to live in my fantasy world.
I don't believe that these guys are so different or that they cannot exist within the same person. It is quite possible that the Nice Guy may meet the right girl at the right time for which they can be the Real Guy for. At the end of this whole Nice Guy rant, I have realized that I am much better at distinguishing the Nice Guy from the Real Guy now, and to the Nice Guys out there before we even begin...I'm just not that into you! I don't need your niceness but if you want to show me your realness I'll show you mine ;)
Nic
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