Now It's Hardly Simple, It's Just Simply Hard

Back on the grind...NOT. Despite being officially halfway through my law school career, things still look pretty bleak. This blog was christened 1LBlues but the title truly encompasses not only the woes of law school as a whole, but the growing pains of life during this uncomfortable phase (see previous blog post by Knee-Cole).
I'm usually upbeat for the most part, but lately I feel like that part of my being is getting SUFFOCATED. It's probably the stress. It's crazy because I don't seem that stressed at all but I know it's there in my subconscious. I haven't been so unmotivated to do schoolwork in all of my 20+ years of education. I just want to go home, wish I could salvage a relationship that fell victim to law school (and several other factors) and I want it to be summer. Also, I would appreciate it if I could make bank this summer. I think that unpaid jobs/internships offered to law students should be illegal. Unless you're trying to help me out with the debt I'm incurring, I’M NOT TRYING TO HEAR IT.
In the resident HUSL tabloid news, we were spotted out at Shadowroom a couple of weeks ago. The Gossip Boy(s) ran their mouths and said how certain ladies were "twerkin n*ggas" in the club. Le Sigh. Last night, Pikachu Sims and I gave a hearty analysis of all the humans that we go to law school with. After much thought, we concluded that several of them have a touch of Aspergers Syndrome and the rest are just downright crazy. The assemblage of humans at the HUSL makes you pause and think: "Wait, am I crazy too?!" It's THAT bad. I mean, I guess we're all a bit crazy...crazy to have undertaken this beast called law school. This post is a ramble...and it was supposed to be posted weeks ago. I guess it’s an illustration of life right now...a bit disjointed and confusing. I flashback to our 1L year analogy about not jumping off the ledge and hanging tough. As long as you have people to talk you off the ledge, you'll be all good. Unfortunately, I feel like we are all standing on the ledge together. That’s when you know that you’ve got to just leave it to God. That's my only hope. I'm in my predicament for a reason; I can never lose sight of that. And hey, maybe the crazies at school keep me sane! Aww, yes...I suppose that my optimistic upbeat self is still hiding in me somewhere. I won't let her go...I refuse to let anything else fall victim to this place called law school.

Til Next Time,

Udeme

The Quarter Life Crisis

So 2nd semester is in full swing. Not much has really been going on. I think we are all just kinda stuck going through the motions right now. Not really living, not really dying, just kinda being. Its not an ideal way to live but I'm pretty sure we would all agree its our reality right now.

Lately I have been doing a lot of listening and a lot of reflecting on my life and the lives of my friends. It seems like we're all stuck in an awkward stage of life that no one quite prepared us for. It seems like overnight we became adults and woke up with the weight of the world on our shoulders in the midst of a quarter life crisis. I can honestly say I have enjoyed being 23 and a lot of the things about post college life. In a lot of ways I am more confident, independent, and secure in myself than I have ever been. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with living in my own apartment away from my parents and not having to turn to them for every little thing. I have developed my own life away from my parents/family and in a sense created a new identity not based on who I used to be and who I have always been, but one based on who I am now and who I want to become in the future. All of this makes me happy. I have real friends that in a lot of ways take the place of my family because they just get it! No explanations necessary I have genuine drama free friendships that offer stability when almost everything else in my life is bottomless uncertainty.

I never really expected this quarter-life crisis, but the truth is even if I had there isn't much I could have done to avoid it. This crisis is both personal and professional, physical and mental; it pretty much invades every aspect of life. It is essentially the reality that 'This is real life now. What we do or not do now matters. There will be no do-overs. No false starts' Whether its our professional lives or our love lives, there is pressure to figure out what it is that we want and pressure to go after it right now. None of us wanna mess up and end up regretting the choices that we have made. I can speak for myself and honestly say I carry this fear of regret. I fear I will walk away from the right guy. I fear I will work too hard, or not hard enough. I fear that I will regret. To make matters worse I am mad. I am mad because I know that fear is illogical and regret is unnecessary. My fear of future regret should not influence the choices I make today. I'm smart enough to know that. We all are. The reality is I have made good choices in my life thus far, and there is no reason to think that I won't continue to make good choices now that I am an adult and life is real now in a way it has never been before.

In my heart I know everything will fall into place. Bad choices in love and life will be made, but we will deal with them as they come and be better for it. In business we live by "the higher the risk, the higher the return" well that couldn't be any more true in love and in life. One thing about all of my friends male and female a like is that we're all risk takers. We have all stepped out on faith to educate ourselves and go after bigger and better things. We are taking the risks and we are due for the returns.

~Nic

P.S. stay tuned for my next post Love: risks & returns